Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Foreign.
[00:00:03] You're listening to the Poised Powerhouse Podcast. My name is Dr. Sita Hood, and I'm obsessed with empowering women like you with practical life strategies to live authentically without compromising your wellness. I used to be caught up in the hustle hard mentality until I learned that my quirky little traits I thought weren't that important actually turned out to be the secret sauce I. I needed to step boldly into my purpose and create impact not only in my life, but so many amazing women around me. Organizing your schedule, launching impactful programs, redefining leadership without code switching or compromise, and stepping boldly into your God given assignment are all topics we'll discuss here. Think of this podcast as that simple Sunday brunch with your girls that feels so therapeutic you can't wait to get to it. But let's clarify, this is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed therapist. All right, grab your notebook and your coffee or your tea. We don't discriminate over here. And let's start the show.
[00:01:22] Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back for another episode of the Poised Powerhouse Podcast.
[00:01:27] My name is Dr. Sita Hood, vision architect, licensed therapist and executive leadership consultant. And today, today we're going there. Okay.
[00:01:42] Okay. Welcome back for another sips and stillness. What is in my glass or my mug that has me sitting still today is the Starbucks I iced caramel latte.
[00:01:56] So I did make it with my Nespresso. They have these pods that I think they just released this summer from Starbucks, but they're made specifically for the Nespresso and specifically an iced drink.
[00:02:09] It gives me kind of like iced forte vibes. If you are wondering how it compares to like an espresso pod and if you have an espresso pod.
[00:02:19] But that's what we sipping on this week. In my regular life, I'm feeling bold, but a little bit tender. And I am ready to reclaim what's mine with soft confidence.
[00:02:32] So lean in for a story right quick. Lean in, lean in. Okay. At one of my retreats that I was hosting, I think it was 2021, everything looked so beautiful from the outside, but I was shrinking on the inside.
[00:02:51] And you couldn't really tell. But internally, I was questioning if I was the one who should be leading in that room. Was I doing too much? Had I given them enough?
[00:03:03] Was I taking up too much space when I wanted the retreat to very much be about them? Because I am an introvert and the only reason why I'm so good at, like, telling you what you think and how I see your Shrinking and all of that is because that's what I used to do. And in a lot of ways, I still get stuck in that line of thinking. So I was thinking, am I taking up too much space? Am I doing too much? Even though I knew, I knew that God called me to create this space for these women, that God called me to create this retreat, I caught myself making myself small in the very space that I built. But here's the thing. God still showed up. He showed up with favor, with provision, and even an appearance from Grammy Award winning artist Chrisette Michelle. And Chrisette, if you happen to be watching this. Hey, boo.
[00:04:03] But you know what? I was still trying to shrink. Ain't that crazy?
[00:04:08] Child, can we say imposter syndrome when God is literally aligning everything according to his will for you and you still caught up in shrinking. But you know what that moment reminded me of? Your shrinking does not cancel your assignment, honey, but it will choke out your joy and rob you from experiencing the moment. And so, thankfully, Bestie Boo was on deck and she kind of snatched me by the edges and got me together and I was able to show up fully in that experience. But that was the day that I realized that there is no way you can shrink and lead at the same time. Even with God's favor all around me, I was still secretly shrinking. Another thing that that moment taught me was shrinking doesn't mean that you're not Kavu. It just means that you don't feel safe. But you can't lead from a place of fear. You cannot build a life of alignment while editing who you are just to survive it. So today we unpacking all of that. Remember I said, yeah, we going there. We unpacking all of that. So by the end of episode, you're going to understand why you've been shrinking, how to stop, and how to step into what I call soft confidence. And this is the kind of confidence that don't need to perform in order to be powerful. You ready? Let's go, Boo. If you've ever walked away from a conversation, replaying it in your head like, ah, I should have said that. Or you've been code switching over, explaining or freezing. When it's time to set a boundary, it's time to say less and mean more. Grab the power pack, your free toolkit with real life scripts, mindset resets and faith forward strategy to help you stand firm without the emotional hangover you're going to get done for you. Scripts, less than 5 minute audio resets, and a playbook to Help you speak boldly without spiraling. Go to Detox Hustlerehab CO for forward slash power to grab yours now say less, mean more. That's the power pack. Boo. Let's be real. Shrinking is not passive. It actually takes work. To shrink yourself down is not just what you're doing is what you're constantly calculating. You're editing your tone in meetings. You're softening your truth so it's more palatable. You are double checking your words before you send that text. Triple, quadruple checking it. You are reading the room before you even decide who you want to be that day. It's exhausting. That's emotional labor. And it's invisible. Nobody else sees it, but your body feels it. Your nervous system is always on guard. You're very hypervigilant. You're wired. You're tired, and you're done. And now that the kids are back in school and your calendar is starting to fill up, your mask is slipping. Your mask is slipping again.
[00:07:08] And the thing is, even though your mask is slipping, you are still very much expected to function. And that exhaustion that you're feeling right now, that blank stare when somebody says, like, hey, boo, what do you need? How are you feeling that low key resentment that you think don't nobody know about? When somebody is like actually praising you for being so dependable, but nobody sees what it's costing you. That is the price of performance based acceptance. And it's time to stop. I want us to perform an audit here. I want you to take just five minutes tonight. Just five. Okay? And I want you to grab your notebook or do a voice memo and ask yourself these questions. These questions might not be easy, but I want you to be honest because you don't have to show anybody unless you want to. Here's the question. Where did I shrink today?
[00:08:03] Did I say yes when I wanted to say not right now?
[00:08:07] Did I dim an idea because I didn't want to be too much?
[00:08:12] Did I hold back tears when I really needed to let them fall?
[00:08:16] And that last question is very important because so many of us are used to cutting off our emotions. And if you're cutting off your emotions, then you don't have an indicator as to how you feel. And it's very important. I know you hate crying. I know. I hear you. I hear you. You hate crying. And then you also feel like if you start to allow yourself to cry, you might never stop. But I promise you will stop. I promise you won't cry forever. But you need to start getting in the habit of allowing yourself to feel those feelings and allowing yourself to cry. So then, after you answer those questions, I want you to ask, what did I actually need in that moment? And girl, this ain't about guilt. It's about getting honest. Because you cannot heal what you keep on excusing as normal. It is not normal to have all of this pent up. Okay, I want you to pause with me for a second and I want you to repeat this really quick affirmation.
[00:09:18] I release the need to be palatable, to feel safe.
[00:09:25] I am allowed to be fully seen and still held.
[00:09:31] Write that affirmation down. If you need to pause this episode and then come back to it, that's okay too. Let's get something straight, girl. You were not born soft spoken, overly accommodating, or low maintenance. I kind of take issue with that. I'm a low maintenance friend type of thing. Like, what does that even mean? What are we saying? What I mean? It's like, I get the general concept of it, but that needs to be unpacked a bit more. Because that was learned. That was a strategy. That was survival. Shrinking is not actually who you are. It's what you had to do to start feeling safe. Somewhere along the line, your nervous system got the message. If I take up too much space, I'm going to be punished for that. If I speak too boldly, I'm going to lose or miss out on an opportunity. If I stay small, I stay safe because nobody notices me. And if I never try, then I can't fail. So as a result of thinking those thoughts, you started apologizing before you even start to speak. I'm sorry, but can you. We could cut that out. Overthinking every single boundary. Choking down emotions just to keep the peace. Dimming your light so other people would not feel threatened. When the Bible says to let your light shine before men so they can see who you are, and you begin to dim your light. And now here's the truth. You're grown, you're brilliant, and you're called.
[00:11:01] But you're still carrying your trauma trained identity that keeps shrinking when nobody is threatening you. I want to offer you a reframe. Your nervous system was actually doing its job, so this is not actually your fault. Your body is brilliant. God designed a brilliant system and it protected you in the moment. But what protected you then is preventing you from walking fully in your power.
[00:11:30] Now. Survival mode served you at that time, but survival mode is not your assignment, boo. You are not here just to make it through the day you are here to walk boldly, wholly fully you as the you that was birthed from the foundation of the earth. Here's another action step. I want you to practice releasing the label.
[00:11:53] Ask yourself this week, what labels have I picked up that were really just a trauma response in disguise? Maybe you've been the person who's like, oh, no, I'm just really chill or I hate conflict, or, no, I'm good girl, I don't need that much. I'm real easy going. You don't got to worry about me. But deep down, that chill version of you was really suppression.
[00:12:20] That easygoing was really avoidance of conflict. And that low maintenance was really fear of being too much to love.
[00:12:30] I need you to start calling it what it is with compassion, okay? And then I want you to say to yourself, that's how I survived, but now I choose to live. Okay? That's what I like to call a bridge affirmation.
[00:12:46] That's how I survived, but now I choose to live. Why? Because we want to acknowledge who you were in the past, who you're still struggling to walk through on the other side to become. Because, yes, you have this goal, but you're not quite there yet. So sometimes when you repeat affirmations, you're wondering, like, girl, I'm trying to trick my brain. Girl, my brain doesn't believe it. That's because your body, again, is brilliant. You are an intelligent woman. So you understand that this affirmation that you're repeating is not exactly where you are. It could be a goal, it could be where you want to be, but it's not exactly who you are. And so we're not going to lie to ourselves. We have enough people that lie to us day in, day out. And you've been lying to yourself for years. You. You have. I'm sorry, girl, you have.
[00:13:34] But it's time to stop. It's time to stop. So I want you to start practicing these bridge affirmations. Here's another affirmation for you, and I want you to pause with me and say this. I honor who I had to be.
[00:13:49] Because be for real, girl. She's dope. She got you all the way to this point.
[00:13:54] But now here's our bridge we're building.
[00:13:57] I give myself permission to become one more time altogether, the bridge affirmation. I honor who I had to be, but now I give myself permission to become.
[00:14:10] Okay, you've heard of confidence that roars, okay? Loud, brash, always on. And if you anything like me, you probably pictured this certain type of chick. And she's just, I'm everyone, like, everybody just looking at her. She got the room. She captures it when she walks in. And it seems like everyone's enamored with her. But soft confidence, though, soft confidence, she's different.
[00:14:38] She's sacred.
[00:14:40] And she is that girl, as the newer generation likes to say.
[00:14:47] So let's break it down real plain love, because I don't want you to have any confusion about what this looks like, and I don't want you to get it twisted about what soft confidence looks like. Soft confidence is quiet, steady inner trust in who God created you to be without the need to perform, prove or pretend. It's not loud, it's not bossy. It's not about walking into the room and commanding attention, although you will indeed shift atmospheres when you step into the space. It's about walking into the room and not questioning if you belong there. Soft confidence is knowing I don't have to over explain, over deliver or over function in order to be valuable. If you are not that funny, it's okay, girl. You don't have to be that funny, right? Like when you look at your version of humor versus that girl that you see that seems to have everybody captured her version of humor. They don't have to be the same because y' all were created different. And guess what? Somebody gets your version of humor and they might actually think it's funny because it's a bit wittier than the other person. And that's okay, because different strokes for different folks, right? So it's the kind of confidence that feels like a soft exhale because it comes from a place of wholeness, not hustle or the desire to be seen or get attention.
[00:16:17] I can't stand it. Can y' all tell I got an issue with that?
[00:16:21] And listen, boo, that kind of confidence, it don't need applause in order to feel grounded. Because two things can coexist. You can be soft and you can be sure. You can be gentle and you can be grounded. You can take your time and take up space when you are moving into a new season, especially when life is picking back up and your calendar is picking back up and it's pressured to be everything for everybody and is knocking on your door.
[00:16:52] Self confidence is your permission to reset and it's the way that you remind your nervous system we are actually safe right now. We don't have to shrink to survive anymore. This ain't the fake it till you make it kind of energy. It's the God already said I belong Here and I'm good kind of energy. Okay? And if you think about that and if you keep that in mind, it is going to change the whole way you step into the space, honey. It's going to change it. And you don't have to again over perform to be seen. So I want you to let that be your starting point this week. Let's that be enough. You are enough. That soft confidence, that's part of the rhythm reset inside of the hustle rehab. And she is here to shift the way you show up in the world, honey. Because soft confidence is the permission to stop performing. You don't have to tap dance. You don't have to shapeshift. It's not about shrinking, but it's also not about over compensating.
[00:17:51] It's the internal knowing that says I don't have to hustle to prove anything. I'm already valuable. So I want you to remember that. And when you get caught up in the new season, you know, with again the kids going back to school or your calendar filling up or a big decision that requires a bold faith move, I want you to start your days with these biblically based affirmations. And I want you to practice saying them out loud. You ready? It is safe for me to take up space.
[00:18:21] I want you to say that when you feel like shrinking. Say it before you send the email. Say it when your voice is shaking. And here's another one. I am powerful without pretending. Because your softness ain't a flaw. I promise it's not. And it's safe for you to come out of that tough defensive exterior that protected you. Your softness should be fuel. Your authenticity is the assignment. Okay? Like walking in that authenticity. That is part of your assignment. That is why you were created so uniquely.
[00:18:54] And the last affirmation that I want to give you, God honors all of me, not just the palatable parts, the bold parts, the grieving parts, the evolving parts. All of it, all of it is allowed in this space. This is what soft confidence sounds like. Not performing, not proving. Just present and fully known, reinforced, powerful, loved. Because of the way God created you. And I need you to remember, just because the world moves fast don't mean you got to boo.
[00:19:30] Welcome back for another weekly nourishment. In today's weekly nourishment, our scripture is going to be galatians 1:10am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God very simply.
[00:19:46] And the affirmation to go along with that is my authenticity is sacred.
[00:19:52] My softness is strength.
[00:19:57] Babes, here's the truth, and it's a hard truth. God is not impressed with your hustle. He's after your wholeness in him. The shrinking stops here and I want you to reclaim your power with the Power Pack, a free guide to help you pause, reset and come back to the real you. I want you to head on over to Detox hustlerehab Co Power to access it now and tag me on Instagram at Hustle Rehab and tell me what parts of you are you done shrinking to protect? And as usual, if you enjoyed today's episode, share the love. Share with your mama, share with your auntie, share with your best friend. Then head on over to Apple Podcast and I know I'm asking you to do a lot to head on over to Apple Podcast but girl, if we are in it, if we in the trenches, if we ten toes down, please go over to Apple Podcasts because your reviews mean so much to me and they make my day. I really do read those reviews and and they do help the podcast to grow. So head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five star review and that is all I have for you this week. I'll see you on these social media streets. Bye.
