Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:03] Speaker B: You're listening to the Poised Powerhouse Podcast. My name is Dr. Sita Hood, and I'm obsessed with empowering women like you with practical life strategies to live authentically without compromising your wellness. I used to be caught up in the hustle hard mentality until I learned that my quirky little traits I thought weren't that important actually turned out to be the secret sauce. I. I needed to step boldly into my purpose and create impact not only in my life, but so many amazing women around me. Organizing your schedule, launching impactful programs, redefining leadership without code switching or compromise, and stepping boldly into your God given assignment are all topics we'll discuss here. Think of this podcast as that simple Sunday brunch with your girls that feels so therapeutic, you can't wait to get to it. But let's clarify. This is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed therapist. All right, grab your notebook and your.
[00:01:12] Speaker A: Coffee or your tea.
[00:01:14] Speaker B: We don't discriminate over here. And let's start the show.
[00:01:22] Speaker A: Hello, love. Welcome back for another episode of the Poised Powerhouse Podcast. My name is Dot. Dr. Sita Hood, Vision architect, licensed therapist and executive leadership consultant. What is in your mug? What's in your mug, honey? I have the Bianco Adopio, so we're doing a little bit of a latte in preparation for spring. Let me get y'all some ASMR vibe. I love fall. Absolutely love it. That's my favorite season. But I am ready for spring, and I'm ready for spring because I'm just tired of being cold, girl. I'm tired of being cold. Okay? How I am feeling? I'm on 10. And I'm on 10 because I've been getting some absolutely amazing rest. And there is nothing that restores your body more than rest, which is why Psalm 23. Psalm 23. Is that scripture? Okay. Because it say, he makes me lie down. That's because God be knowing we be eating the rest. Okay? And when we get rest, baby, you get a whole new version of the person. Okay, so let's talk. Have you ever set a boundary and then immediately felt guilty for setting your boundary somehow? Like you just told somebody you hate puppies, or like you just cuss somebody grandma out. Or like, if you've ever felt like this, any one of those, like, holding standards makes you too much like you too much to handle. And maybe you overdoing your part, baby girl. This episode is for you. Here's what we're talking about today. We're talking about why Boundaries feel so doggone hard.
And hence, it's not just about saying no. Okay? And then we're talking about the mindset shifts that will have you setting boundaries with ease. And not only setting them, but enforcing them. How to hold your boundaries without second guessing or with guilt. Okay, so the very first thing we have to talk about is where your energy is going. Okay? And I know it's like, wait, what? Why are we talking about energy when we supposed to be talking about boundaries? We talked about energy leaks in our last episode and being honest, like the boundaries and the fact that you don't have any. I mean, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, girl. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get up.
The fact that you don't enforce your boundaries is part of what's causing the drain on you. So we have to talk about energy when we're talking about boundaries. And struggling with boundaries is not just about people pleasing. It's about unlearning very deep rooted beliefs that keep us stuck. And I want to talk to you about a boundary struggle. You might be asking Dr. Sita, what's a boundary struggle? Well, it's when we say yes, when we actually want to say no. It's when we prioritize everybody else's needs instead of our own. And when we feel guilty for actually choosing ourselves. Here are some signs that you're struggling with boundaries. One, you say yes, and then you immediately regret it. I'm talking about P.
You just like, oh, I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don't like it. It's just giving you the ick. You know, Another sign you feel drained, but you still keep over committing. You know, you can't squeeze nothing else on your plate, but you keep telling yourself, okay, fine, I'll just sleep later. I'll figure it out. I'll do my report later.
You second guess your when you try to stand firm. Oh, was that too mean?
[00:05:04] Speaker B: Was that harsh?
[00:05:05] Speaker A: Should I have not said that? Even though they already got me holding 92 items in my hand, they just want me to hold one more and another one. You worry that people will leave you if you enforce your boundaries. If that sounds familiar, then yes, we are definitely struggling with some boundaries. And you and I, in this episode, we about to fix that. Okay? So setting boundaries and reclaiming your energy, the first thing I want you to know is I want us to have a different definition of what enforcing your boundaries looks like. A lot of times when we see the girly that's setting her boundary or when you think about setting a boundary, the first thing that comes to your mind is, well, I don't want to look like a what? What? Girl, What? Brian? Cuz I did not cuss. Calm down, Science. Calm down. I just told her to put the little thing right there. But you know what I'm talking about. Stop trying to deflect and get off the topic because you already know. So you're trying to avoid confronting this boundary conversation. Listen to what I'm trying to say, okay? I ain't cuss. All right?
No, I want us to practice reframing how we view boundaries. View boundaries as self respect, not as rejection. Babe, let's get this reframe right now. Okay, let's do it. Boundaries are not walls. They are doors with locks.
You get to decide who has the key to open up the door, okay? Instead of thinking I'm letting them down, shift to, I'm teaching them how to love me. When we don't set boundaries, we don't prevent disappointing people. We actually guarantee it, okay? Because let's be real, the resentment is going to build on one side, okay? It's going to build on one side. And nine times out of 10 is your people pleasing is already built in you, okay? Because you're upset that you overextend yourself so much for this person and you expect them to do the same. And then when they don't, you and your feelings and you like, but why does she do that? But then that's on you because you didn't have to do that if you didn't want want to. So you need come on about your feelings. Come on, come on, come on, come on. And I know that's hard to hear, but there's going to be some resentment on your side if we're not clear about our boundaries. And you know me, you know I'm not just going to shine the light on something hard and not give you something to do about it, right? Here's something that you could say, oh, girl, I love you and I love this for you so much, but I just can't commit to that right now. Boo. Okay, that's one. That's one. And these might sound real therapisty, so you gotta take them and change them into your own language. Another one, Child, I need some time to recharge, okay? Let's just plan it for another day. Is that okay? Okay. Another one. Girl, that sounds amazing. But you know what? That just does not align with my priorities right now. Thank you so much for thinking about me. Now come on. Come on. If somebody said those things to you, would you actually feel as though they were being mean? No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't even think that was acting like a. Come on, be for real. And the action step for this one, I want you to write down three areas of your life where you know you need better boundaries. And then I want you to go in and rewrite your narrative from I'm being mean to I'm honoring my needs and my capacity for this season. Because again, the only person who could carry it all was Jesus. He had already died on the cross, baby. So what you doing? What you doing, girl? I also want to teach you how to set boundaries that stick without over explaining yourself. Because part of the reason why we end up saying yes when we want to say no is because we get caught up in over explaining stuff that don't even need to be explained. Okay, I'm going to teach you a really quick, short, cute, low formula that's super easy to remember because you don't need to justify why you don't have the capacity for something. Here's the formula. Ckc. Clear, kind, concise. Clear, kind, concise. You acknowledge. I hear you. State your boundary. I can't really take that on right now. And then you offer an alternative if you want. Only if you want. Only if you. Only if you want. You don't have to have pressure to offer that. And I pause right here on purpose because some of y'all keep disappointed people because you're setting up a future date to check in and you pride yourself on being reliable for people. And so then when you put that date out there, knowing good and doggone will, you don't really actually want to do that. It feels like dread all over again and you're dragging the thing out. So only offer an alternative if you want to. And the alternative. Maybe we can revisit this later, right? Or another variation of that. The moment that you over explain, you invite room for negotiation. Keep it short, firm, cute and sweet. Okay? Clear, kind, concise. Ckc. That's it. That's all. Because cognitive distortions will make us believe that saying no equals losing people. Or saying no means being mean. Right? But the right people, the right people, your crew, they can adjust and they're not even going to be mad at you. Okay? So you don't even have to worry about that again, here's what to say. I won't be available, but I hope that goes well, girl. Oh, that doesn't work for me, but thank you so much for asking oh, you know what? I kind of need to prioritize my energy elsewhere, so I'm going to have to pass. But I hope you have a lot of fun, babe. You see that? Clear, kind, concise. That's it. That's all. Action step. Practice saying no out loud in the mirror. That sounds really funny, but I really want you to do it. Make it sound natural, like a muscle that you're strengthening. Another thing I want you to do is handle guilt and second guessing like a pro. Okay? Guilt is just proof that you care. But it doesn't mean that you're wrong, it just means you care. Your brain is automatically wired to seek approval, but the cost of that should not be betraying yourself. Okay? Every time you hold a boundary, I want you to remind yourself, I'm allowed to hold a boundary to protect my time, my energy and my capacity. Discomfort is temporary, but self respect, respect lasts for a long time. Okay? People who value me will respect my needs.
[00:12:11] Speaker B: Point blank period.
[00:12:13] Speaker A: Okay?
Again, these are sneaky little cognitive distortions that try to trick us into thinking that the discomfort automatically equals danger. But discomfort is actually growth in disguise. You can grow from this. And here's some phrases that you could say out loud to yourself to help handle these things. Like a pro. My needs are valid. Just that simple. I don't need permission to honor myself. It's okay if they don't like it.
It's okay. I like me. I'm good with me. Long as me and God good, I'm good.
Okay, Action step. The next time guilt creeps in, I want you to pause and breathe. Don't react immediately. Sit with the discomfort and remind yourself that the long term impact of not holding your boundaries gives you the ick. Like it sucks 10 times more than this slight discomfort that you're feeling right now. Let's shift from boundary struggles to absolute confidence. Ready? Okay. Boundaries are not about shutting people out. They are actually about allowing your elite squad in and teaching them how to love on you appropriately. Instead of asking, how can I make everybody happy? Because low key, let's be real. That's the question that's in the back of your head when you are caught up in people pleasing behavior. But let's shift from that to what do I need to feel at peace? What's my responsibility and what's not? How can I show up for myself when I feel guilty? I know shifting your boundaries can feel really overwhelming, especially when guilt tries to creep in. And that's exactly why I created the Mental Reset Guide. It is a simple Step by step system to help you take back control of your time, your energy, your capacity, and your peace. Girl, you need to go grab that thing right now, okay? Because those sneaky little lies, AKA cognitive distortions, they're overrunning you. They overworking you. And that's the real reason why you're struggling with setting boundaries. I'm going to leave the link for the Mental Reset Guide down below in the show notes. All right, love. So today we talked about why boundaries feel hard, how to set them with confidence, and how to hold them without guilt. Now let's make it real. Action steps. I want you to write down three areas where you need boundaries, okay? And I want you to DM me one of those boundaries. If you are actually committed to this change, the next thing you can do is go ahead and grab the Mental Reset Guide. If you're ready to shift from guilt to confidence.
[00:14:59] Speaker B: You know those little things that just nourish your heart, mind, and soul, Those little gems dropped in your week that make all the difference in your day but are seemingly unimportant. Like the person who went out of their way to do something nice for you or that amazing sermon on YouTube that just hit exactly like you needed it to. Well, I'm sharing my weekly nourishment with you, and if there's something that nourished you this week, I'd love to hear about it by tagging me on Instagram @drcetahood or dropping a comment underneath this episode.
[00:15:35] Speaker A: Here we go.
Oh, my gosh. The thing that nourished me this week was seeing my baby turn 18.
And I know y'all probably be getting confused because I'll be like, my baby, my baby, my baby. But my nieces and nephews are all my babies. So that's why y'all don't hear me say my baby so often. Okay? Because if they not your babies, then are you even an auntie? Are you even giving auntie vibes? I mean, be for real. So my first baby turned 18 in January, and I was so, like, such an honor to witness, but, like, so precious. And my next baby turned 18 in February, and we got to celebrate her. And that's the thing that nourished me. Just, like, being able to see her reach this milestone age and just like, what an amazing young lady she is. And my January baby, my little 20 twin twin. What an amazing young lady she is as well. All right, if you enjoyed today's episode, share the love. Share with your mama. Share with your auntie. Share with your best friend. Then head on over to Apple Podcast and leave us a five star review. Reviews help the podcast to grow. And let me tell you, I popped over to Apple Podcast a little bit ago and y'all been writing this podc. Okay, go off again. Go off. Boo boo. It means that you really love the content and I love that because that means I can continue to show up for you. I mean, I'm gonna do me regardless, but it's always really helpful if you are talking back to me. So that's all I have for you today. I'll see you on these social media streets. Bye.
