Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
You're listening to the Poised Powerhouse Podcast. My name is Dr. Sita Hood, and I'm obsessed with empowering women like you with practical life strategies to live authentically without compromising your wellness.
[00:00:20] Speaker B: I used to be caught up in.
[00:00:21] Speaker A: The hustle hard mentality until I learned that my quirky little traits I thought weren't that important actually turned out to be the secret sauce I. I needed to step boldly into my purpose and create impact not only in my life, but so many amazing women around me. Organizing your schedule, launching impactful programs, redefining leadership without code switching or compromise, and stepping boldly into your God given assignment are all topics we'll discuss here. Think of this podcast as that simple Sunday brunch with your girls that feels so therapeutic you can't wait to get to it. But let's clarify, this is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed therapist. All right, grab your notebook and your coffee or your tea. We don't discriminate over here. And let's start the show.
[00:01:22] Speaker B: Welcome back for another episode of the Poise Powerhouse Podcast. I am absolutely honored to be on the airwaves with you. I am Dr. Sita Hood, vision architect and licensed therapist. Now, I know that you might notice the setup is just a little bit different. That's because you got to improvise when your purpose requires it. Okay. It has been way too long since I've hit you guys with a new episode, and I'll talk about that in a second. But as I went to record, my laptop was like, yo, girl, you got about 19 minutes of using us, okay? And so I knew that after leaving my cord at the office, I would have to use a different means to record this episode if I wanted to get it out. And I missed you and I wanted you to have this episode. So here we are recording on my phone. And if you see me looking every which away, you know why. Okay, let's get into it. Okay, so as you might notice, there is no mug. I do not have a mug nearby. And that's because today is the day that I am going in the office. So for those of you that don't know or don't follow me on Instagram or anything, I am officially back in the office now.
And I still see clients virtually, but now there's an option again to have an in person session. And I'm super excited about this because it also means that I'm back to hosting events that's super exciting for me as well, because my events that's like that's bae for me, that's where my heart is at. So I do not have a coffee mug because after I do this recording, I'm actually headed to the office, and I would much rather have my coffee there. So that's the what's in my mug. How I'm feeling. Girl, girl, girl. Honestly, it feels a little bit awkward to be back on the mic after going through my own personal ya dig, having my own personal life crisis. Like we. Well, I pride myself on being authentic with you and open and vulnerable. And honestly, as an infj, AKA an introvert, it's not necessarily what I would have chosen 100%, but I am committed to doing what God would have me do. And so every time I think I'm out there with a little bit of exposure, God is like, come on, come on out further. Come on out. And I'm like, okay, God. But I was already come out further. And so with that being said, I would be lying if I said that there was no fear of vulnerability here. So, like, the last time I kind of navigated through my personal life crisis with, like, all those deaths with you. I talked about that with you on the podcast. This time it was really hard for me to bring you along that journey, if I'm being honest, because. And I felt like I myself had failed and I was failing you because I slipped into a depressive episode. So I was doing the things that I encourage people to do all the time. But then right around that November mark, right around the end, is when life was just, like, too much. Okay? That's when we traveled for the holidays. And that's also when my physical routine kind of slowed down and then stopped completely in December, meaning me going to the gym. And for those that know me, you know, I am a gym girly through and through. I be at the gym five days a week, running outside on Saturdays, So six days a week in the fall and the spring. So to not have that physical, to, like, exert that energy and to have life just be piling up on me kicked me right on into that depressive episode. And I was like, God, I've been working on releasing this flourish formula because I have people ask me, how do you accomplish so much? How do you do this? And this is not me stunned, because I know people be doing that on the Internet. This is not me doing it, okay? But people ask me, how do you accomplish so much? And I tell them how. But really what they're asking is for a strategy for themselves so they could apply it to their Life, not the exact steps that I took. And so I was working on a Flourish formula toolkit, and I was almost ready to release it, and then I got hit with all of this. And I felt so down about that because I was like, lord, okay, how are we going to make this make sense? And then when I was journaling one night, I thought about it, like, I've been in a holding pattern, and I was explaining this concept to my clients. Like, when you have nowhere to go, when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, when you don't feel your best, you hold steady in a pattern. And I was like, how does that apply to this Flourish formula? And it's homeostasis. So for those that don't know, like, plants grow, of course, at their rate, depending on what type of plant it is. But when a plant is exposed to harsh conditions and there's the potential of the plant dying, the plant will go into homeostasis, which is to maintain essential functions only and to regulate so that it does not die, so that it survives those harsh conditions. And that's what the Lord revealed to me. You are in a state of homeostasis. And so homeostasis is just another part of the Flourish formula and how we make it to the other side. So whatever the case is, that's where I've been, girl. Trying to get my whole life together and then trying to figure out how I could share that effectively with you so that it blesses you. And I didn't want to show up giving you hum drum, sad, et cetera, because we got enough of that. We got enough of that in the world. Okay? So I did not expect that to take so long, but I am moving with the Holy Spirit in this episode, so let's keep it pushing.
Hey, hey.
[00:07:41] Speaker A: Aren't you tired of running around like a chicken with your head cut off? How many times have you promised to do better with your wellness routines only to let life get on top of you again? I want to invite you to pause and Pour by downloading my app, the Lavish Haven, your sanctuary for cultivating daily wellness. It's completely free to use. You'll start with our pause and pour quiz and then access our signature daily and weekly wellness trackers, mood playlists, elevated emotions, collections, scripture based guided audios, and so much more. Hit the link below to start today.
[00:08:22] Speaker B: All right, let's talk about it. Trust in your relationships. So let's first talk about why trust is so important. We all pretty much know this, but I think this is the Beauty of, like, journaling and unpacking topics, because it helps you to take a deeper dive into something, to really figure out exactly how you feel. So trust is truly the foundation of a relationship. And if you know me, you know I like to define words. So let's do exactly that. Let's define trust. Trust is firm belief in truth, reliability, ability, or strength of someone or something. So it is impossible to have a healthy relationship without trust. That's why if you from the hood, if you know anything about the hood, then you have heard the phrase word is bond. And that's why it's so important to look at a company's integrity or a company's values, because you need to be able to trust people's word. Point blank, period. Okay? You trust in a lot of stuff that you don't even know you trust in. Like, you trust your job. And I know some of y'all rolling your eyes like, I don't trust that job. Girl, they be doing blah, blah, blah. You trust that they're going to have your paycheck there.
Yeah. You trust that your paycheck is going to consistently be in your bank account. And if they continue to break your trust and there's no check in your bank account consistently as agreed upon per your contract, you, like, mess me with that, I'm going over here and get me another job. So trust is important and it is essential and is the foundation of every single relationship. When you drop your kids off at school, you trust the teachers and the staff to take care of your children. You trust that when you show up to pick up little pookie poo poo, that little pookie poo poo is not going to have no bruises on them because the teacher was nucking and bucking. No, you trust those people to keep their hands to themselves. Trust, as you well know, impacts our sense of safety and ultimately our identity. Which is why so many people, if they have trust issues with their parents, even how their parents showed up, then they struggle with identity stuff because it's heavily rooted in your sense of safety. For example, if you've ever met somebody that had identity stuff, you might think to yourself, like, it's obvious when we're talking about trust, if we're talking about a situation where a parent abandoned their child or where a parent said, yeah, I'm going to come and pick you up and didn't show up. Those are more of, like, the obvious cases of trust being an issue. The less obvious situation is the parent that was physically present and emotionally attuned to your needs sometimes and then very harsh or withdrawn other times. That is a subtle way that trust can be violated and really impact your identity. You don't know if you can trust a person's character, especially if that happened with a parent, specifically where the parent was inconsistent in how they showed up for you. So that's just a little note that it doesn't have to be those obvious signs. So let's talk about the signs that you're going to see in your relationship. If trust is an issue. If you are actually missing trust, the very first thing is over checking. I'm talking about fact checking. I'm talking about receipt checking. I'm talking about somebody consistently trying to fact check your word to see what you doing, where you at, trying to share location. But there's nothing wrong with sharing location but being like super obsessive, zooming in on the dot, you know where you already told this person where you would be and using that information regularly in conversations. Right. You might have some issues with trust if that's you. And I'm not talking about if we're talking about children, not adult children, adult children. They grown. So if you a parent and you checking your adult child's location obsessively, that might be an issue and you might need to talk to somebody about that. But teenagers and under we checking your location. So if you are somebody in that category and you're watching this episode, know that you going to get checked. Okay, that's not what we talking about. But even in romantic relationships or friendships, over checking, just always wanting to be preoccupied with making sure a person is telling you the truth. If it is too much for you, it is probably a good idea to examine whether that relationship works for you. If somebody is trying to fact check you too much. Right. And so there's a difference between toxic patterns where domestic violence is present and there's coercive control where the person wants to constantly be alerted of your whereabouts every single move you make from the second you open up your eyes. Toxic patterns versus somebody who's been burned in the past and is just struggling with trust. There are two very distinct examples of over checking with that. So just a little note on that. If you notice that there is emotional distance in your relationship, you could be struggling with chronic stress and anxiety because you don't know what to expect from a person because they are so unpredictable that it is stressing you out. So this looks like a person that is vulnerable one minute and then distant the next minute or they appear to be Taking the next step in the relationship and being vulnerable. But it's actually a false sense of emotional intimacy because they're too scared to go that deep. So emotional distance is another sign. The third sign is withdrawal from intimacy. And the bottom line here is if a person doesn't feel safe, and safety comes in a lot of different ways, if a person doesn't feel safe, they will not be intimate. That's it. They won't be intimate, or they will damage themselves in trying to be intimate. And people pleasing for you. And intimacy doesn't just mean sex. Intimacy also means emotional intimacy. And so if a person doesn't feel safe in those two categories of both physical and emotional intimacy, you can kiss that goodbye, because that is first and foremost. So if they start to withdraw from that or you're not noticing that, that is probably a sign that trust is missing. And then one of the most obvious signs is frequently questioning your loyalty, asking you to consistently tell them how much you love them, asking to be reassured of their position as your best friend. You know, consistently doubting what you're saying, even, like, so consistently wanting you to reassure them of their position. But also, if you had a conversation with somebody earlier and you told them you were going to the store and you might swing by the gym or something, and then when you talk to them again later, you like, oh, yeah, when I was talking to Sarah or something. And they like Sarah. When did you see Sarah? Oh, I went there after I left the gym. And that's an issue for them. What? But I thought you said that she was only going to. Blah, blah, blah, you grown, you could go wherever you are. Okay, so these are the signs that trust is missing in your relationship. Needless to say, these issues might start off as really slow and not really that relevant, not really a big deal, but they will continue to grow and take root and create deeper issues in your relationship. Let's talk about the reason the trust is missing. We kind of already started to get into that. But taking it a step further, the first reason could be inconsistent behavior. And it could not be your behavior. It could be the behavior of somebody that they've dealt with in the past. But broken promises, no matter how big, how small, whatever. Broken promises hurt more than we realize. So a broken promise can be something as simple as promising to take your kids somewhere and then you backing out because of how you feel, like that over time can cause damage. I'm not saying that you should never say, hey, let's, you know, do this another day. Let's postpone it. But sometimes we don't follow up with people when we've broken a promise to them. Even a promise of like, I'm going to call you later or something like that. Some people take that very, very seriously. And that impacts their trust because maybe they had a parent who consistently didn't show up for them. Another reason that your trust is missing is unresolved conflict. Okay? So you might find yourself having the same frustrating argument. It's a cyclical pattern and it's irritating to you. And you don't know why you keep arguing about the same thing. That's because you have some deep underlying conflict that hasn't been resolved. Maybe you swept it under the R. And sweeping things under the rug is never the resolution to an issue. So that might be one of the reasons why your relationship has some trust missing past negative experiences. I cannot say it enough. If you don't heal old wounds, they will continue to haunt you. They not going nowhere. They really not going nowhere. We keep trying to stuff our feelings down and pretend they don't exist. You trying to avoid crying because you don't want to mess up your makeup. You know, you cute or whatever, and you are cute or whatever. But you gotta heal from that old stuff because it's going to come out in ways you don't want it to come out. So I have a lot of clients that I talk to about dating stuff. And in the middle of them dating, like, maybe they had a history of, like, poor dating patterns, but then they meet this person that they absolutely would love to do life with. But they are bringing up some of those old behaviors without meaning to, without trying to. They can't help it. Why? Because they've never healed. Another reason why your trust might be missing is lack of effective communication. You must learn how to communicate effectively. Because I be hearing people all the time. They'd be like, I do communicate well, but if you're not communicating clearly, then it's not effective. I am going to add the link to an episode, Elevating youg Communication, Part one and Part two in the show notes of this episode. Because it's very important that you get that down. And I don't have time to pivot that way today. But those episodes are very powerful and they're going to just help enhance your communication. So your language and understanding of human interactions is always evolving because you are always evolving. And because of that, you should evolve in your style of communication as well. Your family style or your style of communication does not set the standard for everyone in the world, you have to leave room for alternative perspectives and other styles of communication in the relationship. A person who is committed to growth does this automatically, period. Even if it's uncomfortable for them, they're always going to be examining alternative perspectives. Does that align with my values? Where does it fit for me, et cetera? Okay, the last thing that I'll talk about in terms of a reason, the most common reason, one you already know, betrayal as a person, Obviously any human has been through this. But as a person who has experienced a betrayal, a deep betrayal in friendships, in all types of relationships, I can tell you that that hurt runs extremely deep. And it is very, very hard to have a relationship recovered. When a betrayal happens in a relationship, and then the weight that the person carries in the following relationship, if they're triggered because the person is doing something that the old person who betrayed them did, it's just so much harder. It always damages the way that you see the world and the way that you see your future relationships. And it makes you want to curl up into a ball and not exist. It makes you not want to talk to people. I have been there where I'm like, girl, it's too people outside, I ain't trying to go out there, I trying to talk to them. I'm not trying to open myself up in that way anymore. But again, if you are a person who is committed to growth, then it is very important that you do the work required to recover from a betrayal. Let's talk about the three T's for repairing trust issues in your relationship. Come on, you knew I was going to come back and hit you with a formula. Okay, Period.
No, it's not really a formula. It's just more. Again, three T's to keep in mind. The first one is to talk about it. It's so obvious that we miss it goes right over our heads and we think, again, sweeping it under the rug is better because we're conflict averse. We don't want to talk about it. I ain't trying to do all that. We was having a good time. No, if you're the one who did it, you probably were having a good time. But the person that you hurt is not having a good time. So talk about it. Have honest, open dialogue about the issue. And if you're the one who has hurt someone, take responsibility for your role. And I hear it so often where people are like, well, I don't think I hurt them. I didn't really do anything. They're the ones who did something. But if they come back to you and say that you hurt them in a particular way. It is okay to apologize for that, even if that wasn't your intent. And for the sake of the relationship, you have to, in a lot of cases, humble yourself if you don't think that what you did was wrong. And you have to have a level of sensitivity to the person that you are in the relationship with. And again, this goes with romantic relationships or even friendships. It is what it is. But we got to talk about it honestly. And we have to practice active listening in this conversation, not just ready to spring back with a response. Listen for the person's heart, because if they were brave enough to bring it to you, it matters. And if it matters to them, it's because you matter to them. The relationship matters to them. Because if you think about it, things that you don't care about, you're not going to invest that much time in. You're not going to go back and try to untangle things and figure out conflict unless you really care and value the person. So remember that the second t is that it takes time. Trust itself takes time to build in a relationship. But when you talk about trust in general, and when you've lost the trust, it takes an even longer time to rebuild it. So just keep in mind that it takes time to repair, but you should also be investing time into the repair and the relationship itself during this time. What do I mean? You don't just leave that person to figure out the trust issues and everything for themselves after you've had the conversation. When you are the person that's broken trust, you have to go out of your way to repair that, to invest in that, to show where your motives are, where your heart is, to make the person feel completely safe to be in relationship with you. And I know some of you are like, that ain't for me, that ain't for me, that ain't for me. And if it's not for you, then I'm just going to say you gonna have a hard time in relationships. You probably already having a hard time because a mature person, an emotionally mature person, is willing to do that. If you love the person and you want the relationship. And the last thing I'll say on that is also if you are the person who broke it, then you owe it to the person you are in relationship with to wait.
To wait. Without expecting them to heal quickly. You cannot rush anybody's healing process. All you can do is consistently reassure them that you mean what you say and you say what you mean. That's it. But you cannot rush them to move beyond a pain you caused. Which leads me to the third T. Tenderness. Tenderness.
[00:25:16] Speaker A: Tenderness.
[00:25:18] Speaker B: Be kind, be gentle. Be compassionate. Go out of your way to show the person that you're serious about mending the relationship. Put forth more of an effort so that they know that they're valued and loved and you really want to do life with them. We think that we don't have to say it. We think that it doesn't have to be made so plain. But when trust is broken in a relationship, you have to be tender sometimes. Even though a thing may be self explanatory, so you think it must be said, you have to show the person that it is safe to let their guard down. And the only way that that happens is honestly and truly if you are willing to be vulnerable, if you are willing to be tender, if you are willing to do the things that are necessary to repair. So again, the three T's for repairing trust in the relationship. Talk about it. Remember that it takes time and infuse the relationship with tenderness. Please. Pretty please. If you want your relationships to flourish, do these three things.
[00:26:27] Speaker A: You know, those little things that just nourish your heart, mind, and soul. Those little gems dropped in your week that make all the difference in your day, but are seemingly unimportant. Like the person who went out of their way to do something nice for you or that amazing sermon on YouTube that just hit exactly like you needed it to. Well, I'm sharing my weekly nourishment with you, and if there's something that nourished you this week, I'd love to hear about it. By tagging me on Instagram rcetahood or dropping a comment underneath this episode.
[00:27:03] Speaker B: Here we go.
For this week's weekly nourishment, I started with a new therapist, which was mind boggling for me, Right? But weird too, if I'm being honest. Okay. And I think that there's a misconception that therapists don't get nervous about going to therapy. And that's a lie, because therapists are human too. And so after trying several different therapists and having some great experiences, some good experiences, whatever, you just don't know all the time what you're going to get. And when I tell you this therapist was phenomenal, like, it was like a match made in heaven. Okay? It was a match made in heaven. And that energy that I got, that peace that I got, that fulfillment that I got from that one therapy session pushed me for the rest of my week. And I get it. I get it, I get it, I get it. It's like you've been dating all these people and then you finally find your perfect fit. That's exactly what therapy is like. So if you are a person that's searching for a therapist and you're not really getting that feeling like, oh, she just gets me not to say that therapy feels good all the time, because it definitely, definitely does not. Okay. But if you are a person that's searching for a therapist, I have free worksheets that I'm going to add in the show notes for you to help you find that perfect fit, to walk you through the questions and everything so you can find your perfect fit. But that's where I got my nourishment from this week. It was my weekly therapy session. If you enjoyed today's episode, share the love, share with your mama, share with your auntie, share with your best friend, and then head on over to Apple Podcasts and leave us a five star review. Reviews truly help the podcast to grow. Well, that's all I have for you this week. I'll see you on these social media streets. Bye.
