Episode Transcript
[00:00:04] You're listening to the Poised Powerhouse Podcast. My name is Dr. Sita Hood, and I'm obsessed with empowering women like you with practical life strategies to live authentically without compromising your wellness. I used to be caught up in the hustle hard mentality until I learned that my quirky little traits I thought weren't that important actually turned out to be the secret sauce. I needed to step boldly into my purpose and create impact not only in my life, but so many amazing women around me. Organizing your schedule, launching impactful programs, redefining leadership without code switching or compromise, and stepping boldly into your God given assignment are all topics we'll discuss here. Think of this podcast as that Sunday brunch with your girls that feels so therapeutic you can't wait to get to it. But let's clarify, this is not a substitute for a relationship with a licensed therapist. All right, grab your notebook and your coffee or your tea. We don't discriminate over here. And let's start the show.
[00:01:22] Welcome back for another episode of the Poise Powerhouse Podcast. My name is Dr. Sita Hood, vision architect and licensed therapist. What is in your mug today?
[00:01:34] Today, the thing that was in my mug was the Starbucks holiday Nespresso drink. It is legit. So good. If I had the packaging, I would pop it up here on the screen or pop it up for you to see it, but as you can see, it looks a little bit different. And that's because I am recording at night. I do not usually record at night, but here we are because life happens and sometimes we have to be willing to adjust. So I don't have a mug, but we got our water cup. Okay? Our simply modern water cup. So that is what is in my mug, or what was in my mug earlier.
[00:02:14] And physically or mentally, what's in my mug, How I'm feeling? Honestly, I am feeling a little bit sad because as I shared in previous podcast episodes, my family suffered two losses within the same week. And that is just sad. It's not really a way to skirt around the sadness of death because it's a very real thing that we all go through. So I am doing the exact same thing that I'm always telling you to do, and that is feeling the feels, letting it exist in the room and just being okay with feeling all the emotions that come with it. But at the same time, death is tricky because life goes on whether you want it to or not. There are always going to be things that you still have to do in spite of grieving your loss. So just some real talk, that's where I'm at. That's how I'm doing. In reflecting on the unfortunate parts about death, life, et cetera, I think it's really important to leave a legacy. And that is why, part of the reason why I'm so sad about these losses, because these women were extremely instrumental in my family. They left legacies of compassion, kindness, caring, understanding, how to be a powerhouse, how to show up, how to really just live, you know? And that's exactly what today's episode is about. The three lists that you need as an ambitious woman if you want to build an impactful legacy. First, let me tell you, my view on legacy is that legacy goes far beyond money. Wealth, like wealth is important, obviously, when you are building legacy. But what's more important is cultivating the character of the person that you are leaving the legacy to. Why? Because I could leave you all this money, but if you ain't got the right character, if you ain't got integrity, that legacy is going to die right on with you, in spite of all of my hard work. So that's the reason why it's important to cultivate character as a form of legacy. Right? And if you have been to a Christian church, then you know that Christians primarily pass on the legacy of Jesus because period. Period, honey.
[00:04:44] So that is my view on legacy. Just a heads up so that you know how we're talking about and defining legacy as we go into this. So why do you need lists? Realistically speaking, it's not that you need lists, it's more so that you need a way to track very specific things that show you how much progress you are making in life. Because let's keep it a Hondo, okay? You're building a legacy. You are carving out a name for yourself. So you need a way to track all of your goals so that you can tangibly see that you're doing everything that you have a desire to do. And you might be asking yourself, what is the point in tracking? Well, when you track, you have increased confidence, increased clarity, reduced stress, and you have the motivation because you could tangibly see the momentum building as you are checking things off of your list or tracking things. So you start to get excited about the things that you're building. And then you turn around and you like, dang, I built all of that. Okay, go off the group now. The caveat here is I don't want you to get caught up in performative self acceptance because ambitious women tend to have ambitious goals. And with those ambitious goals comes that weight and that feeling that you're not doing things right or good enough if you can't check a thing off of your list in your own timeline. Because I know some of us be like, I'm going to become the president in two weeks. Like, girl, what you're talking about, you can't become no president in two weeks, honey. That stuff takes time. Time to build. Okay, do we remember Noah? Do we remember how long it took him? Yes. Time to build patience and time. I'm going to leave the link for the performative self acceptance episode underneath this or in the show notes. Basically. Long story short, performative self acceptance is when you struggle to love yourself or accept yourself except when you are performing according to your own standards. Or let's keep it a hundo, some impossible standards of perfection. Do not get caught up in that. That is not what I am telling you to do by making these lists. Okay, another note, when I say lists, some of these are actual lists that you should write down or how somewhere. But others are just a list that you need to create maybe once or twice and update it annually. But keep it as a mental note. The point is to track it. All right, let's get into this episode.
[00:07:28] Hey. Hey. Aren't you tired of running around like a chicken with your head cut off? How many times have you promised to do better with your wellness routines only to let life get on top of you again? I want to invite you to pause and Pour by downloading my app, the Lavish Haven, your sanctuary for cultivating daily wellness. It's completely free to use. You'll start with our pause and pour quiz and then access our signature daily and weekly wellness trackers, mood playlists, elevated emotions, collections, scripture based guided audios, and so much more. Hit the link below. To start today, the very first list that we are curating is the relationship mapping list. Now, the purpose of this list is to visually see your network of relationships. And I want to be clear, we are talking about your professional relationships. In this example. You need to assess the professional relationships to not only understand your expectations in each of these relationships, but also to see who you can introduce to who. Right? Because let's say Shorty over here got the plug on the bomb hair right for salons. And Shorty over here is amazing at marketing, and she's struggling with marketing her hair. And this one is like, I'm struggling with marketing clients. Bada bing, bada boom. Okay? Because if y'all all share the same values, there you go. That's the purpose of the relationship Mapping list. And I have an entire relationship ranking system that I do with clients for personal relationships. And everybody that I've done it with has always said that they walk away with so much clarity and it eliminates all the drama because they know what to expect in each of these relationships. So just remember, for this example, we are only talking about professional relationships. All right? So, you know, me and you, we keep it action oriented over here so we could see some real life change. Right? We don't just talk about it, we be about it. We do it. Right. We walk the same way we talk. Okay? You are going to start with yourself in the center circle, and then you're going to map out your relationships with people. So the people that are closest to you or who have the most aligned values are going to be the closest to your circle. So you have one circle here. And then let's say homegirl, business, bestie, et cetera. She's like, right here next to me versus somebody who has a couple of aligned values. But not quite. We don't quite mesh that well. They're going to be a little bit further out. Okay. So the further out somebody is, the less comfortable you feel with them. And this alone should create some clarity with who you should be partnering with in your professional goals. And don't fall into the trap of adding somebody where you want them to be. Okay? Don't. Don't do that. Don't do that. You're going to be disappointed. Okay. Put them where they should be based on their behaviors. And this is also going to help you figure out where you should be prioritizing your time, time and efforts when it comes to networking. So after you do that, you're going to take it a step further with your role and value identification. Okay? Because we want to focus on value based networking. I am talking about all the time on this podcast how your value should be at the center or the core of every single thing you do. And this is no different. Now let's be clear. When I say values, I'm not saying that people are not valuable. Everyone is valuable just because they're human. Human. But in this list, we're talking about legacy. Okay, okay. Okay. Click. So it ain't personal when we talking about building legacy. When you look at your list, who are your key players? Like, who seriously brings a ton of added value to the work that you're doing, but that person also sees the value in the work that you do and how that could add value to what they're doing. How can we create a Partnership. Who are those key players? Essentially, you want to look for alignment, okay? Alignment in your connections. And when you have this, you will have so much more clarity around the purpose of the relationship. And therefore you should know how to interact with them. So we eliminate some of that awkwardness that you might feel as an introvert, if you are introverted, or even what to talk about how to connect with them. Because you are both clear, hey, this is our shared purpose and our aligned values. And again, this goes back to being really crystal clear on your own values. Because if you aren't clear on your values, then you can't really find other people whose values are aligned or even linking people up. Okay? So once we're clear on the values, the next thing I want you to do is random a list of actions or ideas for things that you can do together. Okay? Number one, to nurture the relationship. Because nobody, nobody, and I mean nobody wants to only get a phone call from you when you want something. Nobody wants that seasonal person who only checks in on them and then the next day they get their hand out, right? So we don't want to do that. We want to make a list of things that we can do to nurture the relationship. And why are we listing this out? Because again, you busy, you got a lot going on. You're trying to drink your water, you trying to mind your business, you're trying to be a mama, you know, you're trying to be a sister, a wife, you got a lot on your plate. Nobody wants to constantly be thinking, oh, how could I do that? How could I? How could I know? We just going to hash it out all in one. If we're creating the list, we're going to also list out activities that we could do together to again, nurture the relationship. So you want to have regular activities that are planned or you know that you have intentions to do that you will carry out with your work. Bestie. And I want you to think about regular check ins to see what's happening in their organization and what they got going on, how you can support them, how you can really be an asset to them. Again, nurturing the relationship. I want you to think about shared activities that you can do together, where your businesses or your industries overlap. Because more than likely, if you're trying to expand your network, you might connect with people that are in the same field as you. But it would be wise to connect with people whose industry compliments yours because then they grow and you grow. And so some of the things that you can do together could be conferences or thinking about collaborative projects that you can work on together that helps both of you grow. And so you can easily determine that when you look at these relationships mapped out and then tailor the activities that you do to that specific relationship. So, for example, the activities that I do with the primary care physician who shares some of the same values and sees some of the same clients that I do is going to be really different from the massage therapist who also shares the same values and see some of the same clients that I do because they have different crowds that they attract and their industry is different. So the connecting point for us, with me as a mental health therapist, is going to be very different for both of those relationships. The final thing that I want you to do when you're developing this list is to continuously look for growth opportunities in each of these relationships. I want you to seriously just continue to think, if you've gotten to the end of your list, you know, how can I truly cultivate joy in these relationships? How can I cultivate a mutually beneficial relationship in our joint ventures? What joint ventures can we take on together? How can I personally support them as a human being? You know, that is here because a lot of times you see us ignore the human connection and we can't. Well, at least I can't do that. Okay, Some folks can do that. I can't do that. The human connection is all like, that is the core, the root, the basis, the foundation of the relationship together. So there has to be some sort of caring or concern or compassion for the human side if we want the business side to work well. And last week on the podcast, we talked about networking and we talked about how to kill it as an introvert in networking. And I promise, if you do this relationship mapping list and you run through these steps, you are going to be surprised because you're going to see that this is very. It's a very structured approach to cultivating high quality relationships that are in alignment with your values and your goals for making an impact on the community. And once you have that, it's going to be so much easier to network. Okay. I am reminded of a friend of mine, and when we connected, this was when I had someone working for me. And I don't even know how she knew this lady, but she told me that she had contacted these two attorneys to partner with our practice and host a couple of events. And so I didn't get the other one to call me back. That's fine. People are busy. But from the moment I spoke with my homegirl, Elise, Jones, y'all hit her up. Lady Justice Chicago, Elise Jones. From the moment I spoke with her, everything clicked right into place. When I tell you that we've done so many events, she's actually been a guest on this podcast, and we have become friends personally because our values are aligned. As soon as I spoke to her on the phone and she spoke to me, she said, oh, girl, I could tell we going to be at each other's events. Like, I already know. I want to get in on some of the things that you doing. And I'm like, yes, girl, and I would love to support you. So we have come together several different times, and we intentionally nurture our relationship. And that's what it looks like when you find somebody with aligned values. It is so easy to connect and to make stuff happen. Because when I think about some of the other people that I've connected with, it's taken a much longer time to actually produce fruit from that. Right? Which is not to say that you have to produce fruit from every relationship, but let's keep it a Honda. When you talking about, like, professional relationships, you want that to be a value. You want it to benefit you, you want it to benefit them. Mutually beneficial relationships. And that happens when you got alignment. All right, next up, we have the impact list, AKA your passion projects, bk, your roadmap. You want the purpose of this list to be that you are exploring your passions and you want to get crystal clear on what projects or initiatives really help you to tap into your creativity. And I want you to think about things outside of your typical role, but also in alignment with your personal mission. So some examples of this could be, like, if you are a person that advocates for environmental change, maybe you want to create more sustainable coffee cups in the neighborhood coffee shops. And so you partner with somebody who does sustainable coffee cups, and you go around and you try and sell them to the local coffee shops or make them, or have them link up with the wholesale provider who provides the sustainable coffee cup. So little things like that, maybe you're interested in developing a mentor program for young ladies in the community.
[00:19:23] But the best example that I can give you, the best tangible example, would be my homegirl, Bridget. Okay? She had a passion to bring to life. A teammate success coaching program, and a food pantry, a mobile food pantry that people could just come and grab food out of a fridge if they needed it. She had everything mapped out, okay? Everything start to finish. Boom, boom, babe. She had all the pieces. She was just really nervous. And, you know, when we sat down and we Had a conversation. I was like, girl, talk me through your worst fear. Like, what is really going on? And she was like, talking through the fears and everything. And she's like, oh, my gosh. But I'm still so scared. I'm not sure. Ciao. How about she launched that thing. She launched that thing within, I want to say, three months of us having that conversation, and she has helped over 200 people. And I'm sure that number is way bigger by now. But she partnered. She works for a health care organization, and she partnered with an organization that takes people who have housing concerns or whatever, but also need a job and partnered them up with a success coach on the job so that they are successful. Because a lot of times people who come from certain environments, they have needs that are not directly. Society would say it's not directly related to their job. Like, it's not an on the job problem, but these problems prevent them from performing their best when they're at work. And so Bridget saw that problem and she solved it. Girl, if you're listening to this episode, love you, boo, and so proud of you. Like, period. Girl. This girl's been recognized all over the place for this program. But that is an example of taking two things off of your impact list or your passion projects list and breathing life into it. I was telling one of my clients this week that it might not seem like it's really beneficial to create a list or to do a brain dump, but I promise, once you have everything listed out, it is very clear to see how you can create ripple effects. So let's just say that you make this impact list of all the ways that you want to impact your community, and you want to show up and share your values. And again, these values are at the center of everything that we do. And so you create this list to show you what it is that you should be focusing on and how you can provide or create a ripple effect that goes beyond just the services you offer. So, for example, I create programs for ambitious women like you. That helps to birth the programs and the dreams and the services that you already have inside of you. My gift is an activator, a connector, an encourager. And so I will help you architect your vision. That's where the vision architect comes from. Because a lot of times the women that I work with, they have all the pieces already. They just don't know what order to put it in. How do they manage what they currently have going on, but also scale things that they might have been successful at. How do they align their Relationships, how do they launch this thing without hustling hard, without having health problems, without compromising their wellness? And so I have a system that teaches them exactly that. And so the thing is, when I give you those pieces, when we activate that part of you, when you've got that, then everybody who's in that program, let's just say if I had 10 people, just start with 10 people. Those 10 people go out to run their financial literacy programs, their hair braiding classes in the community, their teammate success coaching programs, all of these things. So you get the inspiration, you get activated, you get the system, you go out and launch your thing. Now if we take Bridget, Bridget impacted 200 plus lives, right? So now each one of those 200 people is now going to go out and impact other people. You see that ripple effect that all started boom from the impact list. This is the importance of creating an impact list. And don't overthink this list. When you create this impact list, I want it to be something that you build on the relationship mapping list so that again, you cultivate authentic connections. So when you think about the specific type of impact you want to have, I want you to think about value aligned relationships. Okay? This is why it's important to do the relationship mapping list first, because then you can see where you have shared values and where some of those things overlap in terms of your passions and the type of impact that you want to have. Because you could collaborate on projects that you want to create just by being connected to the right people, where you're in alignment together. Your approach has an even deeper impact because you as a human being only have so much capacity. Girl, you got. Now, don't argue with me. You need to take the cape off if you think you got more, but that's a whole nother episode. You only have so much capacity to show up. You can only give so much. And if we keeping it real, you also have a lane that you belong in. You got a lane, sis. You got a lane where you function best, okay? If you stay in your lane, you're good. You can't be veering over here trying to do that. But what we can do is I could pack up my car, I could have everything I got in my lane, and you could be in the next lane and we can make that much more of an impact. So I have the area of expertise that I should be operating in, and somebody else has a complimentary area of expertise. And I want you, as a tangible example, to think about all of those women that came together and Raised a million plus dollars in a matter of hours for Kamala's campaign. That's an example of what happens and the type of impact that can happen when you join forces with like minded people. The final list that we're going to talk about is the refresh list. Okay. My favorite list.
[00:25:33] Okay. No, all of these lists are really good. And of course, I wouldn't be telling you something that I haven't done myself, but the refresh list is where we get to chill, you know? And this list is important because with all the things that you do with all the running around, we got to make sure you stay as grounded as possible in all the chaos. And what's interesting is knowing our phones need to be recharged every night or sometimes twice a day. Our cars need tire rotations and oil changes. Our homes need to be cleansed and reset. But we never think about ourselves as needing a reset, ourselves as needing to be recharged, ourselves as needing a break. Somewhere along the lines, I feel like somebody whispered into the atmosphere and then we picked it up. We got our needs mixed up. We think that it means we're weak if we need a break. We think that it means we're failing if we need a break. We think that it means that we are not making progress if we need a break. And that is the furthest thing from the truth. All right, let's get into this list. Essentially, this list is going to house your wellness routines or your set of activities that recharge you or make you feel refreshed. Let me ask you a question. Did you know that different needs require different coping strategies? Did you know? Because we Talked about the 4D concept on this podcast before, if you are unfamiliar, you have wellness and productivity needs in four domains. Mental, spiritual, physical, and financial. All of those domains we have needs in, and we have to meet those needs. So the way that I refresh or reset myself is going to be very different. When I am mentally tired versus physically tired. If I'm mentally tired, I probably do not want to talk to nobody, period. Poo. Okay? You probably gonna find me curled up in a ball watching a show, reading a book, doing something of the matter that's like distracting me from the chaos or from the overwhelm versus if I'm physically tired, I'm probably also gonna be laid up in the bed, but I might be sleeping or I just might not get up out the bed, period. Okay? Like, it's gonna be permanent dent in that.
[00:27:55] In that mattress from your home, girl. Because we are physically Tired. The very first step to the refresh list is to notice your patterns and your habits. Where do you tend to break down? What tends to be the most challenging thing for you when you need a reset? So, for example, I know that I have a high tendency to burn out or to need a break or a reset if I'm working on a really big project. That's because I'm very passionate about my work. So I have a tendency to pour my whole self into it. And I have to be very intentional to not fall into the trap of overworking or burnout. So in order to avoid heading into burnout, this would be why you need to have some knowledge or some record of things that you could implement on this refresh list. And then you can narrow it down to what your activities would be for mental, physical, spiritual, or financial resetting. And it might take you a while to actually figure this out, to develop this list, but these are going to be things that are individual to you because we're different, we have different experiences. Different things help us feel good. For example, I was talking to somebody and I'm like, when I am frustrated mentally, I need to talk to somebody. I need to get that out. I need to journal. Yes, it's true. But I also don't feel completely settled until I've talked it out. And I asked one of my other friends about that, and she's like, no, talking is the last thing I need to do. I need to go internal.
[00:29:29] And I was like, oh, okay, that is different. Different from mine, you know, but no shade. It is what it is. So when we're talking about this refresh list, I want you to know that generally speaking, at the very least, you should have a morning routine and an evening routine. If you ain't got those, you got some work to do. Okay, go ahead and get started. And it doesn't have to be anything super long. And the goal here is just that you have options. If you are like, oh, I have this, full skincare serums, pillow spray, this, that. But lately, all you've been doing is brushing your teeth, tying up your hair, and going to bed, that's okay, you can do that. But the point is to have it set up so when you need it, it's easy to implement. You don't have to overthink it. You already know exactly what you need. A term that I use on this podcast for helping you reset regularly to maintain flow balance. That level of optimal functioning is pause and pour. And it's a game changer. When you implement it into your daily life. Because pausing and pouring means pausing or stopping yourself because most of the time we're overwhelmed, we running around like a chicken with our head cut off. So pausing and then pouring is being intentional about filling up your cup. The more you think about it, explore it, pay attention to your patterns, your habits, your, your routines, things that energize you, it's going to be that much more easy to implement and you will start to get to a point where you implement it without overthinking it. It doesn't take a whole lot for you to know, oh, I'm in this mood. This happened. I probably need this. I promise things will flow that much easier. So a quick refresher on this episode on the three lists that you need to build Impactful leg the relationship mapping list, which is centered on value driven networking and making sure that you are intentionally expanding your territory. The impact list, so that you could determine what type of impact you want to make in your community by yourself, but also with people that you've partnered with. And finally, the refresh list, which is your wellness routines and things that keep you supported and grounded in the process.
[00:31:46] It's time to talk about what I've been loving. Product recommendations, shout outs to family and friends, and overall gratitude. Let's get into it.
[00:32:00] Welcome back to another what I've been loving this week. I have been absolutely loving coloring, okay? And I'm not talking about no regular schmeggela degular coloring, okay? I am talking about the Ohuhu markers. If you know, you know, if you know, drop it in the comments that you know, I'm talking about the Ohuhu markers and if you haven't heard of them, then those are the alcohol markers. And you can get them from places like Michaels Hobby Lobby, Amazon. But essentially alcohol markers and side note, Ohuhu are like the best in the game. And so these alcohol markers allow you to really immerse yourself in the art world. Meaning you can blend a lot of colors together. You don't get those weird marker lines or crayon lines or the color pencil lines that you get. You can't really see that because they're wet and so they dry down really nicely. They blend colors together. It's really pretty. There's something that is just so relaxing about listening to audiobooks and just choosing the colors and really creating a masterpiece from a all white white page or all white comic or whatever. And so with all the stress that I've had in my life lately, it's been really nice to add that to my wind down routine every night. So that is what I've been loving. If you enjoyed today's episode, share the love, share with your mama, share with your auntie, share with your best friend. Then head on over to Apple Podcast and leave us a five star review. Reviews help the podcast to grow. Well, that's all I have for you this week. I'll see you on these social media streets. Bye.
